Archive for December, 2008


Posted in Bits of Home, The Good Life on December 22, 2008 by auer83

Highlights of the Day:


We prepare for the Fourth and final glorious week of Advent

Steelers Titans Football

Titans Clinch anything there is left to clinch by soundly defeating the men in yellow and black.


My sister goes Cosmic Go-Carting i.e. literally the coolest thing in the world except maybe Cosmic Go-Carting with a machine paint ball gun mounted on the hood.

And NOW for my weekly, and highly anticipated rant.


I am quite certain that my freshly laundered socks are to date the most convincing evidence of the Universal Law of entropy and the Second Law of Thermodynamics. The isolated system – my once impeccable collection of warm, wooly soft smartsocks, is quickly approaching a maximum value at equilibrium which is of course my father who is at this very moment shuffling around the house with a deep purple tube sock from Chadwicks on one foot and a signature Martha Stewart oven mitt on the other foot. My Dad currently has a collection of approximately 300,000 socks – absolutely none of them remotely matching in either color or length. This is regardless of the fact that, spiritually speaking, Dad only believes in wearing black socks.

How hard can this be? I shouldn’t say the word “never” but I think it is safe to say that I have “never” worn one sock on one foot without wearing at least one other sock on the other foot. This SHOULD mean that no matter what, if I do my homework and eat my wheaties , I should always have an even amount of dirty and/or clean socks. Nay, I am currently about halfway towards my own value of equilibrium, as today I opened the dryer only to find that:

1.) Only about 15% of my socks could still be matched

2.) Only 17% of my socks could be recognized as mine

3.) Only 17.3% of my socks could be recognized as socks

4.) One of the socks was on fire

I asked my dear Shanna about this, and her theory goes as such:

1.) That at any given day there are 34.5 million socks stuffed into washers and dryers

2.) Dryers are, by nature, sock eaters – literally, they FEAST on socks

3.) Particularly festive socks are especially attractive to “dryer monkeys” who reside in dryers and live off of wooly sock tastiness.

4.) This is why the absolutely smartest and most dapper individuals are either perpetually wearing damp socks, or not wearing socks at all.

5.) Hence the term “Damp Dapper Dryer Monkey”

This is contrary to a more substantially supported theory #2 which states – socks are just like toilet paper and when washed over a period of time completely dissolve in water so that they do not clog the lint catcher.

Hence the term “fabric softener”

Of course this would all be resolved if I just threw away any rogue, matchless socks and bought new ones. But then of course any layman knows that this would then violate the THIRD Law of Thermodynamics which states that any man who throws away any socks in his lifetime might as well throw away his manhood and be banished to the land of sockless Croc wearers for the rest of his natural life.

Have a wonderful week of Advent.




Posted in Uncategorized on December 21, 2008 by auer83

Just in case you’re not already sick of the Holiday Cheer…










Go ahead. Make fun of me. 


Man, I love Christmas.

Montage at Quantico

Posted in Auer Family on December 20, 2008 by auer83

Bro graduated from Infantry school today. For him, this meant the usual military regiment of getting up and having awards given at 6:00 AM. Who holds graduation at O’600?

Well hey, the Marines do!

This therefore meant for me that I got to wake at the usual military O’300 and stumble my way onto Quantico base where both the FBI and Marine cadets got a real treat, i.e. witnessing the superior driving prowess of an asian suffering from massive and most unnatural sleep depravation. My dialogue with the entrance guard went a little like this:

Guard: Sir, what part of the base are you visiting?

Me: Give me coffee

Guard: Sir, your car is still rolling

Me: Sorry, I just realized I entered on the side that says Exit

Guard: It’s ok, we went ahead and bayonetted your back tires.

But all in all, it was a fine ceremony. We had a scrumptious breakfast, and I got to experience the old Marine Chow Line (chow – essentially a backwards pronunciation of the ancient Chinese word “Wohc”). Of course there was a good moment or two with Mom, Dad, and bro. And I was constantly reminded of the fact that compared to the average Marine cadet, the typical US citizen has the fat/muscle ratio of a hibernating Walrus on a constant diet of Candy Corn and buckets of Land’O Lakes butter spread.


A moment of Repose







Yes, they did in fact serve boxed wine at breakfast

Grad G. Ayshunn!!!!

Posted in Auer Family on December 17, 2008 by auer83

There is truly nothing better than a graduation and post-graduation bash to bring three seemingly benign and amicable families of people together to produce the catalyst for the Apocalypse.

… Ok, it wasn’t nearly that bad.

And I’m really feel’n some tasty füde from the heart of the Rhineland right now.


Strangely docile even with caffeine stimulants.


Father-in-law… pondering… pancakes… mmmmm, German pancakes… beer… German beer… David Hassel… wait… what?


Mater atop a perch. Ah, bliss… ah, rapture


The Creason/Klingenberg/Auer crowd… minus a few key characters.




Adam and Melissa – dashing couple to be sure


It’s all done!

Hello, dear Calvin… care for a TULIP?

Posted in Uncategorized on December 15, 2008 by auer83

Mmmm… fresh onto the reading list. Thank you, future-brother-in-law!



My particular specimen includes the J.I. Packer introduction. More on this later. 


Gaudete in Domino Simper



Posted in Uncategorized on December 12, 2008 by auer83


December 11, 2009

Posted in Uncategorized on December 12, 2008 by auer83


“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”

~Dave Barry