Archive for January, 2009

The Bachelor’s dilemma

Posted in The Good Life on January 29, 2009 by auer83

“A house full of condiments and no food… how embarrassing.”

~ Fight Club


So I’m pretty much ready for my fiances’ move. This great nomadic adjustment into the Tri-state area could not come too soon, as my inability to feed myself in a pseudo-dignified way must be eradicated from my already inept lifestyle.

Although I cannot help but think with fond remembrance… the uninterrupted sequence of 14 consecutive mornings and evenings of strict Smack Ramen rations and the steady surge of monosodium glutamate streaming through my veins.


Soon over too will be my days of free-willed Kalles consumption during any sudden bouts of personal culinary curiosity whether it be in the wee morning hour or the waning light at sunset.

“What is this Kalles?” One might inquire.


Kalles is yet another fine IKEA imported delicacy (literally translated in Swedish, “One who wishes to become a societal outcast simply by ignoring the inevitable oral hygienic consequences of eating pink salty fish paste from a giant blue tube). It shares many of the same characteristics of Easy Cheese, especially if easy cheese made your breath smell like rotten cod for the duration of the rest of your entire life. One may pair it with toast, a cheesy cracker, betwixt a sprig of dill and slice of tomato, atop scrumptious English Muffin, or straight from the siphon (my preferred choice of intake). On any given Sunday, you could find me kicked back in an easy chair, catching some football madness, double fisting twin tubes of Kalles, and half drunk on Omega 3’s in complete and utter bachelor bliss.

Yeah, so those days are long gone.

THANKFULLY my beautiful days of drinking honey infused Yerba Mate are still bright and shiny.


let’s be honest, the most convincing reason to drink Yerba Mate is to sound like a PIRATE!


Doesn’t it just make you want to say, “Arrrgggg Matey, it drives me nuts!”

Really though, Yerba Mate is also very tasty. This savory concoction was originally developed by South American natives who steeped “Yerba” leaves (Literally translated from ancient Mayan, “Yer Momma”) into a semi-sweet, potent liquid treat. It can be and is often consumed either as an herbal medicinal tea or as a coffee substitute. The most authentic way to consume Yerba Mate is via a special hollow round gourd with a steel straw to strain the course Yerba leaves.


If this wasn’t hippie enough for you, Yerba Mate is also said to stir the inner nature, spike vitality, and strengthen both spiritual and physical endurance. So for you Bohemians out there, put down that Ganja and let’s pour a gourd of Yerba Mate for the sharing.

Honestly my latest obsession (I am ashamed to say as a proud conservative citizen of this great nation) is my weekly journey to my local Trader Joe’s Market.


This frequenting to such a care-free-fair-trade-trade-care-care-fair establishment will of course come to an abrupt halt as soon as my responsible fiance moves into the area. But where, O where I ask you, could one find elsewhere such an abundance of: sizzling Apple cured honey maple breakfast sausages, thick and creamy Belgian style chocolate pudding, mild soft-tomato marinated mozzarella, lean roasts of buffalo and ostrich, sweet frozen mochi ice cream, hand patted Indian Nann, exotic herbal teas, and my personal favorite, tender plump hossenfeffer?


Verily I say to thee, a whimsical sojourn to your neighborhood Trader Joe’s can prove at least mildly beneficial to one’s own insatiable appetite into a colorful culinary exploration.


So to make a short story long, I far prefer the comfort of a Tennessee home to the adventuresome roaming of the DC metro area. But while I am here, I could not be in better company than in the company of my dear fiance. And while we’re both here together, why not put the kettle on and toast a few English muffins?

I’ll drain the ramen.



Posted in Humor on January 27, 2009 by auer83


Flo: the Progressive Insurance Pundit


Viva Viagra




Illinois governor Blagojevich: on The View


William Shatner: Priceline Negotiator






Oreo: DSRL (Double Stuff Racing League) Manning Vs. Williams


Essentially any American car commercial comparing itself to an Asian manufacturer

And now a message from your local Suzuki student

Posted in Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 by auer83

So one of my 5 year old students – a very precocious Sam Johnston – walked in today to his violin lesson with a smile on his face and presented to me a small piece of paper. Thinking it was another priceless colorful specimen of homemade artwork tediously perfected after hours of line tracing, finger painting, stamping, and crayoning, I thanked him profusely and turned it over to see what it was:




Translation: The ded TraShbag


Then, in a sudden fit of improvisational poetic dereliction, he ran over to the room’s mini office recycle bin, kneeled before it as if he were the baritone of a pining barber shop quartet, and sang a Paverotti style requiem in dedication to its contents. 


This lasted a solid 10 minutes. 



Then came the interpretive dance.



Welcome to my life.

Of the Commonwealth

Posted in Words of inspiration on January 25, 2009 by auer83

“I believe in political equality. But there are two opposite reasons for being a democrat. You may think all men so good that they deserve a share in the government of the commonwealth, and so wise that the commonwealth needs their advice. That is, in my opinion, the false, romantic doctrine of democracy. On the other hand, you may believe fallen men to be so wicked that not one of them can be trusted with any irresponsible power over his fellows.


Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

~ The Weight of Glory,  C. S. Lewis

Just another day

Posted in Auer Family on January 24, 2009 by auer83

So… what crazy adventures has the Auer family embarked on lately?


Helen is still in Japan which means she’s having the time of her life teaching, snow boarding, and making movies. Who knows what she is doing here.


JE is back to the Marine machine, but not before partying it up in Nashvagas for the annual ROTC ball. Note to his immediate right: date #3,538,984. She’s the sister of one of my MBA classmates. Who’da thunk?


Shanna is enjoying pre-nursing work by preparing for a certain wedding, buying official Grey’s Anatomy style scrubs, and cooking me real food.

i.e. my life is awesome right now.


Mom and Dad are their usual curious selves. Here they are in Franklin discussing the difference between Right Guard and Scotch Guard (Dad was confusing the two).


There is truly nothing better in this world than Japanese people in Japan singing Karaoke in Japanese… sober.

Well, sorta sober.


Meanwhile, I’m teaching like mad here in our nation’s capital. Here is one of my all time favorite fams. Aria is simply a wonderful Suzuki mother.


Mom and Dad made a trip to Japan where they visited Helen’s school. I told Dad that he should wear his medal… just to bling it out. He’d be like a Japanese version of Flavor Flav or something.

Really, it’s a good idea.


Mom loved the local food. I mean, look at it… how awesome is that? Your very own flaming pot of stew, no wait… mini cauldron of stew!


JE is now in California finishing the last leg of his LAV (Light Armored Vehicle) training.

He’s also partying like a mad man.

He is not a Minnesota Vikings fan.

Maybe he’s a viking though.


While Shanna was visiting here recently, I made one of my all time most brilliant film purchases: The Opus of movies Top Secret. Yeah, I was pretty stoked too. It came in a DVD case shaped like a cow.


Nothing makes me happier!

Day of Inauguration

Posted in Politics, Uncategorized on January 20, 2009 by auer83


April 30th, 1789


January 20th, 2009

God Bless America

Preserve, Protect, and Defend

Posted in Politics on January 20, 2009 by auer83

“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.

So help me God.”

~ The Presidential Oath of Office, Article II, Section I, Clause VIII, The Constitution