Archive for the Humor Category

Vs.

Posted in Humor, Politics on July 12, 2010 by auer83

vs.

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Name That Tune

Posted in Bits of Home, Humor on July 12, 2010 by auer83

Quickie Quiz: What famous song has these lyrics?

Well, now, take down your fishin’ pole and meet me at The Fishin’ Hole,
We may not get a bite all day, but don’t you rush away.

What a great place to rest your bones and mighty fine for skippin’ stones,
You’ll feel fresh as a lemonade, a-settin’ in the shade.

Whether it’s hot, whether it’s cool, oh what a spot for whistlin’ like a fool.

What a fine day to take a stroll and wander by The Fishin’ Hole,
I can’t think of a better way to pass the time o’ day.

We’ll have no need to call the roll when we get to The Fishin’ Hole,
There’ll be you, me, and Old Dog Trey, to doodle time away.

If we don’t hook a perch or bass, we’ll cool our toes in dewy grass,
Or else pull up a weed to chaw, and maybe set and jaw.

Hangin’ around, takin’ our ease, watchin’ that hound a-scratchin’ at his fleas.

Come on, take down your fishin’ pole and meet me at The Fishin’ Hole,
I can’t think of a better way to pass the time o’ day.


And now for something completely different: A creepy Russian singing a cowboy song (click here).


Random, eh? Oh yeah?


Viola Fail. And More Fail.

Posted in Humor, Uncategorized on April 29, 2010 by auer83

For Henry:

Cool Guy Fail.

Crying Hippie Fail.

Open Door Fail.

Fail and Fail.

Jim Gaffigan Moment

Posted in Humor on April 21, 2010 by auer83

(Really) Sleepy dialogue this morning:

Frank: I don’t know if you smell what I’m smelling, but something smells really weird in our apartment right now. It’s really smelly. I can’t figure out what that smell is or where that smell coming from.

Shanna: Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the trash can in the kitchen. See, when I made that skirt steak three nights ago I threw the foam meat packaging tray in the trash can. So that trash has been needing to be taken out for a good couple days now.

Frank: And… ?

Shanna: And… ?

Frank: ….

Shanna: ……………….

Frank: …………………………………..

Shanna: Also, I think the big bag of onions in the kitchen needs to be thrown out. I think they’re getting way too old. They’ve been needed to be thrown out for a week now actually.

Frank: (now very passive aggressively) so uh, were you thinking about doing something about that?

Shanna: Well what am I supposed to do!

And now for a random Jim Gaffigan momen:

Dad’s Fun Facts

Posted in Humor, Uncategorized on February 19, 2010 by auer83

Not sure where Dad got these, but here goes…

Many years ago in
Scotland , a new game was invented.. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen
Only….Ladies Forbidden’.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered
into the English language.


The first couple to
be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
Flintstone.


Every day more money
is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.
Treasury.


Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.


Coca-Cola was
originally green.


It is impossible to lick
your elbow.


The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska


The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get
this….)

The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400

The average number
of people airborne over the U.S.. in any given
hour:

61,000

Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..

The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.

Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:


Spades – King David


Hearts – Charlemagne


Clubs -Alexander,
the Great

Diamonds – Julius
Caesar

111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

If a statue in the
park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes

Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.


Tolerance

Posted in Humor on February 3, 2010 by auer83

Hobbes: How are you doing on your New Year’s resolutions?

Calvin: I didn’t make any. See, in order to improve oneself, one must have some idea of what’s “good” that implies certain values. But as we all know, values are relative. Every system of belief is equally valid and we need to tolerate diversity. Virtue isn’t “better” than vice. It’s just different.

Hobbes: I don’t know if I can tolerate that much tolerance.

Calvin: I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior.

~ Bill Watterson, There’s Treasure Everywhere

Uh….

Posted in Humor, The Good Life on December 1, 2009 by auer83